The hardest part was leaving. It always is. Packing up our things and making sure we leave not a trace of our existence behind. (Though we seem to fail at that, haha!) It makes me sad.
I think I suffer from separation anxiety. Nothing to the point of needing medication, so don’t be alarmed. It’s hard for me to leave. To watch people leave. Whether it’s my family or my best friend, even someone whom I am not close with, it puts a rock in my stomach to watch them go.
Airports are the worst.
I should be used to this. The military is a very unique lifestyle. People come and go ALL the time. I picked up and left, saying “see ya later” to some good people. It should be easy, right? Wrong. No matter how many times you do it, leaving never gets any easier.
Just yesterday, I said “see ya later” to a long-time friend and his wife and boys. They are moving all the way back to Alaska (which happens to be where I met them.) I know everything is going to be okay, they will make it there safely, and have an amazing time up there for the next few years. But it feels like I was saying good-bye forever.
I can barely handle the leaving part.
I get that heavy sinking feeling in my stomach, like sadness has morphed into a ball and curled up in the pit of my stomach. I’m depressed. Consumed with guilt over the fact that I didn’t visit them enough when they were merely 2 hours away. Now they are moving OCONUS! (Outside the Continental US)
Should I say I’m more of an internally sensitive person? It’s not often that you’ll see me cry or show my emotions. Being outwardly emotional is not my strong suit, but this is probably a good thing. If I were to show every emotion that I felt, I’d be balling my eyes out at going-away parties, and saying irrational things out of anger. I don’t like to show my crazy to just anyone.
As I drove home from visiting my friends, I thought about several things.
Good friends tend to stick around.
Even after failing at the “keep in touch” part, I’m still able to pick up where I left off. Regrettably, years passed before I got back in touch with my bespren. It was like we never lost contact. And my friends that I visited on Sunday. I am ashamed that I did not visit them more often when they lived so close.
Good-byes are the worst.
No, I did not cry when we departed. But that sinking feeling was there. I felt so down, and I tried to think about something happy. Cranked up the music on the way home (as much as the kids let me choose what we listened to) I was probably as sad as they were happy to be getting a change of scenery. When you say good-bye in one place, you say hello in another. So there is my positive to this thought.
Good-byes aren’t forever.
I know I will see them again. Even if it’s next summer when it happens. I will be extremely sad when my bespren moves away from the east coast. I’m getting myself down just thinking about it. It’s inevitable. We aren’t going to live in NC forever either. One day that will be us packing up and saying good-bye. But it’s not forever.
Keep in touch.
This part is something that I would like to think I’m pretty good at. I’m not big on talking on the phone. But I sure do love to send snail mail and use social media to stay in touch with friends and family. Part of the reason I don’t feel so bad about not visiting with my friends is that I sent lots of snail mail to them with updates about my family, more than just Christmas cards. They really appreciated that.